…, here’s what he was shown on an almost daily basis at some points. My friend Puck (who is also responsible for the spectacular banners that grace this blog) sent these to me. This is some rad shit for anyone who grew up around New England back in the day. Enjoy! And beware of Willie Whistle, he will pick his teeth with your spine.
Everyone remembers this ad for the New England Aquarium, mostly because of the mournful horn music that some Berklee student made 5 chickens to play, and for that OBNOXIOUS little girl who claps like she doesn’t have wrists. “Oh daddy, you have great surprises!” I know I do, you precocious little slut! Who says that? “Oh daddy?” Gross. “How does that feel, Karen?” It’s a damn starfish, Mom, you dummy, it feels freaky like a rectal prolapse calcified! The mother has that perfect 1970s salad bowl key party mullet. This is so indicative of the Cambridgian side of Boston life, with the PHD parents, the house near Bob Vila’s, Dad not taking off his tweed sport coat with the arm patches to fuck the TA, and the Montessori school children already on their way to excelling at French. Dude, my brother had a Beat It shirt that he wore seven days in a row and my Dad carried the mail whilst shit-faced. This was not us. And the apex of this one is the girl flailing about screaming that she can walk like a penguin. No one in that Aquarium would have let that one go. This is Boston. We are, by nature, bitchy-ass people. Even your Nana would have walked by and snickered “shithead” to her Bid Whist partner Dottie.
This one is almost as boss as the Aquarium one, mostly because the little girl actually wants some knowledge and doesn’t just react to things like that pinhead in the last one. “Daddy, what’s the difference between a meteor and comet?” Well, it’s uh, how the fuck should i know. That’s why I brought you here so you wouldn’t keep asking me these questions. “It’s fun to find out what makes an ocean wave wave.” First off, please stop confusing me by using one word for a noun and a verb right after the other, it’s hurting me. Secondly, that kid looks like he just pulled an all-nighter with some eightballs and some hookers while he was hanging out looking at the wave machine. He seems exhausted and he has fuck hair. As a child, it made me want to find out what was going down at that museum! And no, Karen, it’s never fun to find out what your voice really sounds like. No one wants to know they sound like a little person old timey phone operator who will connect you to Kansas City K and Kansas City Moe. I love the title card, it seriously brings me back to faking sick to be home when i was in the first grade to watch Mary Tyler Moore reruns. Why does he have such funny little front legs, Karen? He doesn’t need them because he has a big jaw and will bite your pigtailed head off. See, I was in her corner at first for wanting to know stuff, then she got judgey about the T-Rex.
This one might cause you to pause it and make sure the kids are in bed, because it’s all kinds of horrific. See, back in the day there was this local television clown named Willie Whistle who had his own show on WSBK TV 38 ( I miss you Dana Hersey and your drunken Movie Loft!). I don’t know why he had his own show because the creepy mutherfucker talked in high-pitched whistles. He didn’t actually talk, really. He just emitted tea kettle noises. And wore red Chuck Taylors. He was kinda the part in The Shining when the ghost guy in the bear costume is caught by Shelly Duvall giving the other ghost dude head in the hotel room. You know that made you want to go home and scrub your soul? That’s what Willie Whistle did to me. He was basically John Denver if John Denver was John Wayne Gacy. My dad seemed to encourage us to watch him, probably so we would want to go bed or something. He had this Christmas special wherein he wandered the streets of Boston and it was supposed to be sad but it made me never want to leave the South Shore to go into the city. Some kids were scared of racial tensions caused by the busing crisis affecting their white asses if they ever ventured into the city, I was scared of Willie Whistle. Anyway, in this clip he gets sodomized by a snake. Someone up there was listening.
p.s. I was also going to include a clip of WLVI 56′s intro to their amazing Creature Double Feature show that used to air on Saturday afternoons and got little nerdy homos like me into horror flicks (I still want to Netflix Hammer Horror’s Scars of Dracula to see if it has the same effect on me) but the one Puck showed me didn’t have the negative image of Godzilla I remember so well. Oh what the hell, here it is anyway. Puck’s right, the air raid-type siren sound over the monsters is kind of chilling.
Thanks, Paul.
Tags: Nothing Better, Television, Video
June 1, 2009 at 4:58 pm |
We were raised in the same house/brain apparently. Times were sweet on the South Shore, weren’t they? And I totally remember the negative image of Godzilla too! Didn’t they flash it in a hella creepy way, or did I enjoying too much of my parent’s delicious pot seeds back in the day?
June 2, 2009 at 12:19 am |
Totally awesome. I can still recite all those commercials by heart. I always liked Willie Whistle. How did he do that?
June 2, 2009 at 12:35 am |
I DONT UNDERSTAND I GUESS YOU MUST BE DRUNK WATCHING A CLOWN PULL HIS PANTS DOWN
June 2, 2009 at 11:13 pm |
The Penguin in the Batman character is patterned after Paul Warburg who murdered John Astor aboard the Titanic because Astor was against World War 1 and against the formation of the fraudulent Federal Reserve Bank.
After murdering John Astor, Warburg “The Penguin” became a Federal Reserve Board member where he sat and robbed American taxpayers from inside America.
This plan for Jews to rob Americans from the inside through a series of phoney war was a plan designed by the terrorist Jew Vladimir Lenin in Russia after the Jews mass murdered Russia’s middle class and enslaved them economically and physically. Warburg carried on Lenin’s plans.
Today, the Jew Henry Kissinger works with Israeli leaders and Mossad and the Israeli Lobby and with Jews of the American congress to subvert Americans, ensure that Americans have no representation and are terrorized and sent to die in illegal fraudulent wars that Jews incite via their control over the mass media which they use as war PR and to distract and lie to the American public.
In this manner Jews today inside America continue to follow the plans of the Torah and Talmud to destroy all nations from within and take over nations from within and through mass murder and mass theft in order to move all money and power to Israel. The Torah is a blueprint for genocide that today’s Jews use to destroy American sovereignty. They do this in most nations also.
The primary agencies that the Jews, and those who are duped into working with them, use to subvert all nations sovereignty is the Central Bank, the Bilderberg Group, CFR, the UN, the Trilateral Commission and the Israeli Lobby as well as politicians. Through a unity among men in these groups they steal profits and benefits from all taxpayers. They extort money by overcharging the public for natural resources and use the media to spread bogus PR on fake water shortages to explain away their extortion under the guise that it’ nature failing us or that it’s us who have overused a resource. This group of men use the TV and radio and newspapers as a tool to extort money from taxpayers.
The Batman series makes a cartoon out of these realities and hides the Jewish element in extortion and massive theft, genocide and the perjury of innocent races. For instance, they perjured Anglo Germans while it was the Jewish bankers like Warburg who planned to enrich the coup of bankers who ran illegal central banks who planned World War 2 in order to rob citizens of many nations (all allied and axis nations’ citizens). The mass murder done in World War 2 was a bankers necessity as they needed to weaken the masses physically and financially so the masses of the axis and allied nations could not capture the banker murderers and execute them for treason, crimes against humanity and for war crimes. It worked. Slaughtering many nations citizens allowed the criminal bankers and their political puppets (Roosevelt, Stalin, Adolf, Churchill et al) to remain free and allowed them decades to bury the truth and spread lies over the TV, radio and in newspapers. Religious leaders worked with them to steer the citizens toward prayer rather than advise them to search for the truth. Religious leaders gained power and wealth by betraying their congregations and telling them their wealth will come after they are dead. Religious leaders worked criminally to subvert liberty and justice by lying to the public and detracting from the truth and thereby protected the mass murdering thieves in the Jewish AIPAC group (operating under another name in WW 2) who were puppeteering political leaders with lies and with Promised Land, land that was divvied up among the axis and allied powers after their complicity in mass murder.
This is all done for profit. It’s blood money.
That’s the truth.
Spread the word.
June 3, 2009 at 11:43 am |
I HOPE YOU DIE SPAMMING SHITSTAIN
June 3, 2009 at 8:33 pm |
haha great post, I remember ALL that except I did used to avoid Willie Whistle.
That creature double feature noise totally used to scare the fucking shit out of me on a Saturday afternoon at age 6.