While sitting and waiting for Pixar to punch me in the face over and over again and make me cry like when Shelby (her colors? Blush and Bashful.) died in Steel Magnolias and Sally Field realized her coiff did indeed look like a brown football helmet (aka Up), this piece of shit trailer was thrust upon us.
This is some new Eddie Murphy movie and someone needs to launch some sort of investigation. What is going on with his chicks with dicks-lovin’ ass, exactly? Let’s look at the trailer first, for a film called Imagine That!. Apparently, Ed’s a career-obsessed single dad who ignores his needy little girl until her magic woobie blanket starts predicting corporate mergers that benefit Eddie’s career. So he has to start acting creepy to appease the magical spirits in her blanket? Who the fuck wrote this? Rose Nylund? A magic blanket? Wait, does the litle girl actually have mental problems and the coincidence feeds into Eddie’s greed? This could be some SVU shite! Magic blanket? Howabotu snow globe or sword or mirror or ring. A magic blanket? Damn. Hollywood sucks, and is doing far too much coke laced with cleaning products because their slow ideas continue to sound great to them.
And as for Eddie, if we really think about this, we’re going to hit upon the fact that he is SO being blackmailed for his trannie fetish. We have all noticed in the last decade or so that Eddie has dedicated his career to these nightmarish “kid’s movies” that take whatever talent he had, chop it off, and continually portray him as humiliated Dad. What gives? Here’s my theory: some Hollywood producer got ahold of a photo of Eddie sucking the toes of a pre-op while she was beating him on the forehead with her cock. And has been blackmailing his ass for years now by making him appear in these horrible kiddie films. Once in awhile, he gets an out to make something more his speed like Dreamgirls (he was pretty good in that) but then it’s back to Sherlock Homeboy And His Daring Daughter Solve Crimes With Their Talking TV!
Eddie has long been rumored to be a superfreak, with various rumors going around Hollywood for years that he likes girls with something extra, is way into trannie feet, and also might have been shacking up with, get this, New Edition’s Johnny Gill for a long time – even when he was married. See?
Those are some closet-ass dark glasses if I’ve ever seen them! An attempt to render himself normal in the eyes of the world a couple of years back failed when he got Scary Spice knocked up (I knew she had a dick) and she bore his child. He wouldn’t acknowledge it was his until the DNA test dropped and still doesn’t like to talk about it. So, Axel Foley has had an odd life.
I would feel for this guy but don’t because A) he’s rich despite his sad career and B) way back in the day he was merciless with the gay jokes. And listen, I can take a gay joke and probably know more than you. But if the one making the gay jokes is a closet deviant, then HAH, it’s funny that you’re being blackmailed for liking dick! It’s like a free ride when you already paid! And rain on your wedding day! And like when Ryan Reynolds‘ abs dump you for Scarjo! Fuck you, Eddie Murphy. Your legacy is now a magic blanket.
Tags: Big Mistakes, Drag queens, Eddie Murphy likes trannies, Gay, Irritating people
