Lindsay Lohan Totally Stole The Baseball Diamond

Christ, that dissatisfied hooker face on Lohan could derail a train. She ain’t no Helen of Troy. What happened to her? Oh right, drugs and crazy. Anyway, in a total Diana Rigg moment – Scotland Yard is questioning Lindsay Lohan about the theft of some $400,000 worth of jewels from an Elle magazine shoot in London, according to People.

The Baseball Diamond A set of earrings and a necklace were discovered missing from the shoot which took place on June 6, and reported to the authorities on June 8. You don’t let Lohan leave a magazine shoot without searching her prostitute bag! Either that or they fell into her giant cavern. Look, she’s done half of Hollywood and you know Samantha Ronson had all sorts of toys up in there before she bailed out (she’s reportedly since returned). There’s probably a duplex up in there. The jewels are in the foyer, next to all the discarded Red Bull cans and empty vials.

“We inquired and everyone from the shoot is being questioned,” Lohan’s rep tells PEOPLE. “Hair, make up, stylist … even photographers. Lindsay hopes they find the jewels. She is happy to cooperate.”

Happy to cooperate! She answered the call from her rep wearing the jewels and nothing else, told her to fuck off, hung up, and then shriekily demanded that Samantha draw her wearing these, wearing only these. Just brush aside the coke smegma on my nose and get to sketchin’, Sammy! These jewels are burning up my freckled carcass with being stolen and all! How much Nicoret can I get for these? Or maybe I should start a jewelry line and these will be the first ones I sell. What do you mean I didn’t make them and they’re stolen? Shut up! I will bite you!

A police spokeswoman tells PEOPLE, “Westminster Police are investigating an allegation of theft of jewelry from The Mallory Gallery studios in Brewery Road in Islington. The theft was reported to a central London police station on the eighth of June after earrings and a necklace, believed to be diamond and estimated to be worth $400,000, were found to be missing approximately two days earlier.

By the by? This isn’t Lohan’s first time being accused of using her five-finger discount. See that coat she’s wearing in the picture above? Yeah, she “accidentally” wore it out of a club last year and the owner had to report it stolen. Klepto!

If Lohan was aided by Delicious Darla and Capricious Carla in the thievery, I say she gets a pass. For glamour’s sake.

Oh, and here’s the best line from The Great Muppet Caper. Is Janis based on a cracked-out Joni Mitchell?

Tags: Cokeheads, Video, Lindsay Lohan, That horrible Lohan family, Kleptomania