One of the treats about being a night owl lately is being bombarded with these partyline commercials for sappy singles looking to….make friends, score a better weed man, wank? People don’t actually use these to meet up right? It’s more like “I’m so drunk right now, do you have boobs?”
Anyway, these ads have come a long way over the years. Let’s take a look.
1987. I love how the narrator describes the lonely blonde who was so devastated by the loneliness of her high school reunion that she stayed seated in the shadows as “not bad to look at.” You say that about mulch! HAH! Everyone here is so civilized. It’s like when you called a party line to talk about your cats or the nice fern bar you went to in order to hear jazz.
WHOO-HOO! PARTY! This chat line has so much party in it that it will create confetti, streamers and balloons in your hizzy! It’s so partytastic that bitches have to wear pith helmets and sparkly Tina Turner wigs to fit in! One dude has so many lines going on that he’s confused. This is probably also when the coke kicked in for everyone. This was the apex of party line awesome and it all went downhill from there.
This is kind of your standard issue partyline ad. People kinda bouncing around with vapid smiles and a lot of hair-throwing. The background that looks like they filmed part of this in one of those booths on the boardwalk. The slight hint that one of these gals might be willing to spread eagle.
Here’s where it starts to get dicey. Who are these women? Why are they dancing in a home that clearly isn’t theirs? That isn’t their Wurlitzer. A lot of obvious tit jobs and really bad moves. This place is caught between the Bunny Ranch and maybe an open house for this condo that they took advantage of for their sassy shoot. Notice men are being phased out of the picture for the feeling that there’s no more competition, fellas.
See? The quality of the women is really slipping. She looks a little….tired. She might be doing this for tina money. And she obviously had some trouble with her lines. Her delivery of “voice messaging system” isn’t exactly Streep-like. She wants to get this over with so she can go have a smoke and keep avoiding conditioner.
“Natalia” here is an obvious victim of human trafficking. She is so shot full of dope that she’s speaking to the battery-less cellphone as if it was a person. She thought this was merely going to be like one of those mail-order bride thingies. Not Hostel. Shortly after this was finished filming, she was murdered in the next room in a total 8 MM moment.
This is the bottom of the party line barrel. Half of these girls can remove their teeth if necessary. They were denied that champagne beside the hot tub unless they focused enough to say their lines. They did their own makeup. They will kick your ass if you look at them wrong. This was shot in some porn producer’s backyard, right before the Sheena Vs. Tamra: Who Can Take The Biggest Train On Her competition started. The message is that if you call, one of these rats will come over to your house and infect you.
If I had to call any of these lines, it would be to talk to the girl with the pith helmet on in the second one. That’s an actual PARTY line.
Tags: Video
June 17, 2009 at 10:51 am |
YOU ARE FUNNY JHARVEY GONE ARE THE DAYS OF CALLING PHONE NUMBERS AND KNOWING THE GIRL ON THE OTHER LINE WAS FINGERING HER HAIRY 1980 PUSSY NOW WE HAVE THE INTERNET AND WEBCAMS