Meet 15-year-old Staten Island youth Alexa Longueira. This ho fell in a hole! The dumb cluck was texting and walking and didn’t notice the open manhole in front of her ass so she took the plunge. Five feet into “dark and smelly.” Alexa was too busy texting death threats to Courtney Giantonna for looking at Danny outside the DQ when she thought Alexa wasn’t looking! Alexa was sending her a picture of a decapitated kitten via iI’ll Kill You Bitch (we’ve got an app for that) when all of a sudden she and her wet look hair were tumbling into darkness. Unless her hair looks like that because of what she landed in. Gag.
Luckily there was no need for a telethon or any kind of national vigil because Alexa was able to extricate herself from her predicament. She probably floated out of that stupid hole on the beautiful sonics of her mother’s gorgeous Staten Island accent.
And why is it the workers’ fault? These teens need to look up from their damn phones for two seconds. Texting and walking. The Boyfriend does that. And if he falls in a hole, there is no way I am going in after him! Damn.
However, if anyone is looking for a Gucci knock-off – I know where you can find one in a sewer in Staten Island.