LaToya Jackson, P.I.

It whinnied! The Jacksons are going to milk MJ’s untimely death for all it’s celebrity worth. The real Ms. Jackson If You Nasty, LaToya, has revealed to the world that her brother Michael Jackson was MURDERED! Holy shite! Instead of using her detective skills to find her sanity, LaToya is determined to suss out who offed her brother! Go to it, VI Warshawski!

In an interview with the Daily Mail, the beautiful equestrienne says that she suspected Michael was iced by his creepy drug-supplying entourage from the very start. And here I thought a “spokesman” who went by the nom de guerre of “Dr. Tohme Tohme” was totally on the up and up.

Fighting back tears, La Toya, 53, said: ‘I believe Michael was murdered, I felt that from the start. Not just one person was involved, rather it was a conspiracy of people.

He was surrounded by a bad circle. Michael was a very meek, quiet, loving person. People took advantage of that. People fought to be close to him, people who weren’t always on his side.

ToyToy also says that she was wearing her swami hat recently and salivating over her crystal ball because SHE. KNEW. HER. BROTHER. WAS. GOING. TO. DIE. (apparently, the King of Pop thought so, too.)

‘Less than a month ago, I said I thought Michael was going to die before the London shows because he was surrounded by people who didn’t have his best interests at heart.

‘Michael was worth more than a billion dollars. When anyone is worth that much money, there are always greedy people around them. I said to my family a month ago,

“He’s never going to make it to London.” He was worth more dead than alive.’
La Toya revealed Michael himself ‘never believed he would live to be an old man’ and feared he would die in his fifties.

LaToya (why couldn’t this be Rebbie Jackson? “The Centipede” needs to get on the come up once again…) says that she’s determined to get paid from this somehow get “the truth out there.”  “The truth” being discomfiting personal details about the family’s grief. Cuz, jesus, Tactless. The cynical side of me thinks she should have saved all this for the book, cuz’ this is some profitable prose.

She says: ‘There was a towel over his face and I lifted it and the kids saw him and Paris said, “Oh Daddy, I love you.”

‘We hugged and kissed him and the children lifted up his hands. He didn’t look like he was gone. His eyes were half open and he looked like he was sleeping. He wasn’t cold.

‘The kids had been screaming and crying but once they were in that room and saw Michael they stopped and became calm. We said prayers over him. I asked them, “What do you want to say to Daddy?” and they said private things to him.

Paris was holding his hand. We were all sitting around the bed. His chest was very red from the attempts to revive him. I lifted the covers to see his legs. Everything looked fine.’

You know, I’ve been in the room with a dead loved one and my first instinct wasn’t to “see his legs.” Huh? Michael’s virtual twin in the face (minus the pallor) also reports that she doesn’t trust Michael’s personal doctor Conrad Murray, and that there were “fresh needle marks” on his bod. Also, the previously mentioned spokesperson, Dr. Tohme Tohme, lived up his incredibly suspicious nickname by firing the staff at two of MJ’s homes at 11 AM the day of his death. Ok, I’m with her on that one.

He had needle marks on his neck and on his arms and more about those will emerge in the next few weeks. I cannot discuss that any further as I may jeopardise the investigation. I can, however, say that I have not changed my mind about my feeling that Michael was murdered.’

I can’t wait for the trial when LaToya shows up in a black hat and veil and wails dramatically on the stand for her new reality show cameras. I’m also waiting for a new Playboy shoot in which LaToya wears nothing but a Sherlock Holmes cap, a magnifying glass in her hand, and a crazed glare.

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Tags: Crazy ass bitches, Milk it, MJ