QUESTION: I need Halloween costume ideas, stat! Preferably something celebrity related.
Yeah, looks like I was tardy for this one. I don’t know, do you want answers for this one for next year? Sure, why not. Here’s some celebrities.
Here’s some celebrity costume ideas:
A) Rip Torn. He gets drunk a lot and breaks into banks. Just eff with your coiffe and drink a fifth of gin. And like paste dollar bills to your face. Actually, he told police he thought it was his house he was breaking into. That is DRUNK. They killed him off on 30 Rock cuz’ he was a mess. But the thing is he’s like 80 so it’s more like a let him live his life situation, just take his keys.
B) Albert Fish. He ate children. And liked to put needles in his balls. He was cute. Famous!
C) The Crazy Cat Lady from The Simpsons. She’s just amazing. I hate cats so I am more than ok with throwing them at people. Hell, Coraline did it and she saved the day. Everyone should throw cats at Teri Hatcher. Get some cats and wear old lady togs and roll around on some cement. And growl unintelligibly. The Simpsons have been around too damn long, but she needs a spin-off.
D) Me on Halloween weekend. I’m famous. You DON’T KNOW ME! Anyway, so we are ALL set to go to Spookybear in P-Town for drinking, and some more drinking, and beefy types in skimpy costumes. And we’re just gonna throw the dog at my Mom, and we walk in and she has her leg up cuz’ she fell in a hole. And broke her ankle. And when she was like “oh, I’m fine…just go ahead..”, I was like “Sounds good!” and Scotty stopped me. What about MY needs? We spent Halloween weekend icing her ankle and hoping she’d get over her broken bone and cook for us and watching Law & Order UK. Did you know they have to wear wigs in England to practice law? Itchy. Also there’s close captioned cameras everywhere so you can’t actually commit a crime. It’s kinda fascist. Break out your Guy Fawkes mask and beat up a solider of conformity. What kind of society are we supposed to endure if there’s no crime? Lame. Plus, there’s always some security guard making fun of your hair.